it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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