nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
