I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
