just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
