Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
