I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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