I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
