i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
