there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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