Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
