Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
