So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
