it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
