cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
