I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize