i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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