What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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