I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
