She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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