once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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