Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
