I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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