My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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