you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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