Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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