i think my mom watched the whole time
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
