This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
