Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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