You're my little dorito
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
