Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
