Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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