think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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