That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
