brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she told me i tasted like america
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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