Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
