well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
