If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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