I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
