Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
