Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
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