How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
