Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize