There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
