I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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