Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
