Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
