you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize