How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
