The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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