So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
