I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
