I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
