A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
