Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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