he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
