i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
