WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
