What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
