I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
