im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You need Xanax blowdarts
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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