oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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