i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
