I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
